Shame

He said // This is your fault.
It was twenty-three years ago.
When I tried to speak dirt choked my
throat
so I lay on the forest floor
a summer storm cooling the earth
and I was quiet
as he destroyed me.

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Good Mothers with Bad Thoughts: A Review of ‘The Push’ by Ashley Audrain

Are you a good mother? It’s a question that I’ve asked myself many times over the last 15 years, and the answer has changed more times than I’d like to admit.

It was just past seven on the morning of April 24th when the warm, wriggling body of my daughter was placed on my chest. A Monday; the start of a new week and the beginning of my life as a mother. Her waxy, wrinkled skin felt alien on my breast, and as she scrunched her eyes, adjusting to this new world of light and sound she squawked, loudly. The sound rattled down my spine, terrifying me to the very marrow of my bones.

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